Monday, April 04, 2005

Mitch Hedberg

Wikipedia has some good quips by Mitch Hedberg, the comedian who died young -- of heart failure -- a couple of days ago. Here's a sampling:

Foods & Beverages

I like swiss cheese. It's the only cheese you can draw with a pencil and identify.

Rice is good if you're hungry and you want to eat 2000 of something.

I can't wait 'til this set is over 'cuz I've got a roll of lifesavers in my pocket and pineapple is next!

Me and Other People

Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier than helping someone move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load shit into a truck.

I wrote a letter to my dad — I wanted to write, "I really enjoy being here," but I accidentally wrote rarely instead of really. But I still wanted to use it, I didn't want to cross it out, so I wrote, "I rarely... drive steamboats, Dad — there's a lot of shit you don't know about me. Quit trying to act like I'm a steamboat operator." This letter took a harsh turn right away ...

I got in an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument, because then I tried to walk out and slam the flap. How are you supposed to express your anger in this situation? Zipper it up really quick?

I was walking down the street with my friend and he said "I hear music." As though there's any other way to take it in. You're not special. That's how I receive it too ... I tried to taste it, but it did not work ...

My friend said to me "Man, this weather is trippy." I said to him, "No man, perhaps it is not the weather that is trippy, it is the way we perceive it that is indeed trippy ..." then I thought, man, I should have just said, 'yeah' ...


See, I write jokes for a living, man. I sit in my hotel at night and think of something that's funny and then I go get a pen and write 'em down. Or, if the pen's too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of ain't funny.

I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.

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