Our position is made complicated by a real desire to employ automation to its fullest potential and change workflows and responsibilities (to realign ourselves) so that we can make the best possible contribution in what everyone accepts as a new digital environment. No one knows what's going to be needed to bridge to this new environment, but we've pretty clear ideas. The problem is that we lack the resouces we need to implement our ideas.
I serve on an institution-wide group that grapples with this problem from a broader perspective than does our own planning and my experience is not heartening: there's a great deal of wasted energy and of money, many voices of reason not being heard, lots of expert advice being ignored, all the appearance of a pretty soggy mess. I'm sure the institution will overcome many difficulties and change -- probably on the whole good change -- will take place.
Right now, in my chair, however, the outlook is bleak and I'm feeling overwhelmed -- by the addition workload on myself as well as my division as folks leave, by the barriers to moving forward to solve problems, and by the complexity itself: no crystal ball view into the future, no simple arguments in favor of what experts whom I work with believe to be the right path forward, and no assurance that decisions won't be made arbitrarily and without consultation. And so on and so forth; a bit wearying. Perhaps I need to find the source of the determination that drove me on through Wednesday afternoon's wet, cold, and windy weather.
I would be Emerson's "sturdy lad" who
walks abreast with his days, and ... does not postpone his life, but lives already. He has not one chance, but a hundred chances. Let a Stoic open the resources of man, and tell men they are not leaning willows, but can and must detach themselves; that with the exercise of self-trust, new powers shall appear... (from Self Reliance)
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Ah, I remember the pain of such LOC paradoxes well. The feeling one experiences when facing a problem that should theoretically be easy enough to fix, yet is made nearly impossible by uncontrollable factors, is just so deflating. What is most tragic about such situations is that they seem to be designed to cause the most pain to the people who genuinely care. If you just said, "hell with it" and essentially became a tenured professor coasting the last few years until retirement, letting the infrastructure of your office fall to pieces around you bit by bit, I'm sure you'd save yourself a lot of grief. But it's one of the truly admirable traits about you that, despite having worked against the same or similar insurmountable odds throughout your career there, you still care that you can't fix the problems which you feel are fixable and continue to do more than your best with what you've got. I know it may not be very comforting hearing that the fact that you suffer is reason to be proud of yourself. But in that case, know that I'm proud of you too.
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